queer fears

i realized today that i really don't like being big gay eliot.

i went to the "equality forum" downtown, and it all made me feel so ... gay.
i just don't like it. sometimes we have to admit things to ourselves, you know? and it simply makes me uncomfortable.
i've always felt like i really didn't fit in with the gay community. there's just something about me. maybe it's because i'm overweight. but i don't think so, because there are SO many fat gay people. they just love to feed their orifices.

i think i must give off a bad vibe or something. that's what the shrinks have always told me. that i send gay folx bad vibes so they get turned off.

but i dunno. i can't help it ... they make me so uncomfortable ...
i think maybe it's one of those things where you can't stand to look at someone because you know you're looking at the parts of yourself that you hate ...